Finding Faith At The Brink

There Will be Blood (2007)

This movie opens with no dialogue for about 10-15 minutes. It starts with a man who is digging for silver and gold, which he sells in town and makes a living. After forming a crew to dig for the rest of the silver he has found, an accident occurs that results in a man losing his life and leaving behind his newborn son. Another result of the accident is the discovery of oil. The main character, Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day Lewis), takes this son as his own and raises him alongside him in the “family business.” He recreates himself as an oil man and travels across the country giving an eloquent sales pitch in order to gain the rights to drill in their town. Daniel is given information regarding a farm that has an “ocean of oil underneath it.” Daniel and his “son” travel to this farm to “hunt for quail” as they attempt to verify the validity of this ocean of oil. Once it is confirmed, Daniel attempts to buy the farm for quail prices and play into the farm owner’s ignorance as to the wealth of oil that is under his property. Daniel succeeds in acquiring the rights to dig for oil and sells his endeavors to the town with the same eloquent sales pitch he gave every other town. He goes on to purchase almost all the land of the town and promises to build a school and a church. This introduces Daniel’s antagonist which is a character named Eli, a preacher of the Church of the Third Revelation. Eli tries to preach to Daniel’s men and invites them to church. Daniel and Eli continue to go back and forth throughout the movie. As the movie continues, you learn how greedy, selfish, and manipulative Daniel is. His sole purpose in life is to gain all he can without any regard to how it affects those around him. He goes as far as to get baptized in the Church of the Third Revelation in order to complete a deal that would give him the rights to dig a pipeline through the final piece of land he was unable to acquire. Daniel reveals that the son he took under his wing was for the sole purpose of “using a cute face” to win over the towns he visited. The movie ends with Daniel sitting in a lane of the bowling alley in a large mansion after killing Eli. Other than a butler, he is alone, paranoid, crazy, and almost animalistic. As this scene in the bowling alley opens, Daniel awakens on the same lane, picks up the cold piece of steak from last night’s dinner with his hands and begins tear it off the bone.

My initial reaction to the movie was a disgusted annoyance. Other than exhibiting how selfish a person can be, it had no real plot. It was a movie that followed this man’s life and all the horrors he committed in order to gain what he wanted. But as I thought it over and really attempted to understand my reactions, I came to the following. I disliked the movie and the character because it showed me the person I can be and at times, actually am. Daniel used, abused and schemed to get what he wanted and needed in order to push himself further. A message I heard from Pastor Zeke down here in San Diego was the difference between mental faith and genuine faith.

Mental faith as I understood it would be faith in the knowledge of God, who he is and what he has done. Genuine faith is faith that comes from the heart and the ability to obey all that is asked.

Genesis 22:2, 7-12 would be an example of genuine faith. For those who are parents, try to imagine the strength and faith needed to walk your son up a designated mountain knowing that you are about to sacrifice him to the Lord. The whole time, not only telling your only son that God will provide a sacrifice when asked where the sacrifice is, but actually believing that God was going to provide another sacrifice other than the son that you love. Abraham’s genuine faith took him all the way to raising the knife over his son. That is one heavy task to perform. It was a genuine faith that allowed him to carry out any task that God asked of him.

I started to read Malachi and the lessons learned within. The people of Israel had become lukewarm and questioned their service to God.

Malachi 3:14-15 “You have said, ‘It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the Lord Almighty? But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.”

His people began to give unacceptable offerings…

Malachi 1:7-8 “You placed defiled food on my altar. But you ask, ‘How have we defiled you?’ By saying that the Lord’s table is contemptible. When you bring blind animals for sacrifice, is that not wrong? When you sacrifice crippled or diseased animals, is that not wrong? Try offering them to your governer! Would he be pleased with you? Would he not accept you?” says the Lord Almighty.

The people of Israel began doing things how they wanted and still expected the same blessings from God. When they struggled or were not blessed, they cried to God.

Malachi 2:11-13 Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the Lord loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god. As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the Lord cut him off from the tents of Jacob-even though he brings offering to the Lord Almighty. Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands.

Reluctantly, and embarrassingly I can admit that I am that person that offers stained offerings to God and expect the blessings of God during my time of studies. It has been no secret that being down here alone has tested me more than I thought. Each time I find myself going under the quicksand of my trials, I cry out to God for assistance. But when things are manageable, I inconsistently pray. I have fasted before tests hoping for wisdom and a calmness to cover me as I go into a test. But as the test concludes and I see a passing score, the honor given to God has been delayed. I am working on genuine faith. I am striving to follow whole heartedly. Growing up in the church, I have learned that I was comfortable. I did things, witness, pray, fast and so on out of obligation. Cause I was trying to be an example of what a Christian should do. But this is when going to church becomes a religion. It wasn’t a relationship I was developing, it was a practice. We are fortunate to have a merciful God that will continue to reach out to us as long as we reach out to him.

Malachi 3:7 Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you says the Lord Almighty.

But it has to be with a genuine faith that we return to God. Mental faith in my view, is a way of taking God’s mercy for granted. When I am struggling financially, I tithe even more because I have mental faith that God will return it and then some. But as the passage says…

II Corinthians 9:7 Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.

God is looking for genuine faith. A whole hearted devotion to him that is not clouded or confused by the mind or situation. And through it all, whatever the issue, we can be like Job and not question God’s will in our lives. I am slowly learning this. I have gotten better at my genuine faith. I have given my education and pursuits of a nursing degree and career to God. I no longer struggle with tests or studying. He has opened my mind to where I can read and understand the readings the first time around. I am more calm. But I am still John Olague. I over think, strategize, and worry about things that need not worry or concern.

There Will be Blood gave me a reason to look into myself and my own life. I did not like the movie or character because it forced me to see myself and the nature I have within when I lose sight of God. It’s our human nature. We are selfish and ruthless by nature. But with the Holy Ghost living and working within us, we have the potential to be something beautiful, a vessel that God uses for his purpose. We have to put that selfishness aside. We have to trust that through it all, God has a purpose and will pull us through any situation. Because when we make our own path and fortune, we end up alone, crazy, and someone to be pitied rather than someone to look up to.

It hurts to truly look at our nature and how we take advantage of those around us. But when we acknowledge the truth, we give the Holy Ghost a chance to flourish.

- John Olague Jr.

Remembering... to Stand

The Stand by Stephen King

“It don’t matter that you don’t believe in God. He believes in you.” -Mother Abigail

Psalm 78:11-42 (New Living Translation)
11 They forgot what he had done— the great wonders he had shown them, 12 the miracles he did for their ancestors on the plain of Zoan in the land of Egypt. 13 For he divided the sea and led them through, making the water stand up like walls! 14 In the daytime he led them by a cloud, and all night by a pillar of fire. 15 He split open the rocks in the wilderness to give them water, as from a gushing spring. 16 He made streams pour from the rock, making the waters flow down like a river!
17 Yet they kept on sinning against him, rebelling against the Most High in the desert. 18 They stubbornly tested God in their hearts, demanding the foods they craved. 19 They even spoke against God himself, saying, “God can’t give us food in the wilderness. 20 Yes, he can strike a rock so water gushes out, but he can’t give his people bread and meat.” 21 When the Lord heard them, he was furious. The fire of his wrath burned against Jacob. Yes, his anger rose against Israel, 22 for they did not believe God or trust him to care for them. 23 But he commanded the skies to open; he opened the doors of heaven. 24 He rained down manna for them to eat; he gave them bread from heaven. 25 They ate the food of angels! God gave them all they could hold. 26 He released the east wind in the heavens and guided the south wind by his mighty power. 27 He rained down meat as thick as dust— birds as plentiful as the sand on the seashore! 28 He caused the birds to fall within their camp and all around their tents. 29 The people ate their fill. He gave them what they craved. 30 But before they satisfied their craving, while the meat was yet in their mouths, 31 the anger of God rose against them, and he killed their strongest men. He struck down the finest of Israel’s young men.
32 But in spite of this, the people kept sinning. Despite his wonders, they refused to trust him. 33 So he ended their lives in failure, their years in terror. 34 When God began killing them, they finally sought him. They repented and took God seriously. 35 Then they remembered that God was their rock, that God Most High was their redeemer. 36 But all they gave him was lip service; they lied to him with their tongues. 37 Their hearts were not loyal to him. They did not keep his covenant. 38 Yet he was merciful and forgave their sins and did not destroy them all. Many times he held back his anger and did not unleash his fury! 39 For he remembered that they were merely mortal, gone like a breath of wind that never returns.
40 Oh, how often they rebelled against him in the wilderness and grieved his heart in that dry wasteland. 41 Again and again they tested God’s patience and provoked the Holy One of Israel. 42 They did not remember his power and how he rescued them from their enemies.

The book/movie The Stand is your typical story of good versus evil. There is a super flu that wipes out almost the entire country. As more and more survivors surface, they begin to have dreams. One of an old woman who provides hope and another of a man named Flagg who brings darkness. The characters begin to learn that they are having the exact same dreams and realize that they will be choosing what side to be on. As with all choices, there are consequences and circumstances that try to sway you one way or another, as the characters learn throughout their journey. As the movie goes on Flagg continues to build his army and set his plan of destruction in motion. The others slowly ban together and learn that they will soon have to go up against Flagg, if they choose to.
I have learned how much I relied on family and the church instead of relying on God’s purpose. Since coming to San Diego and going through a grueling program I have gone through the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life. There are the times I miss the family and loved ones. And for the longest time, I thought a lot of my struggle was because I felt alone. Because those I relied on were not here with me. But that was not it at all. God has been trying to strip me of all of you I love in order to teach me to rely on him. Without the crutch of family and friends, all I have is God. This is how it should have been in the first place.
I have struggled through tests, points, instructors, quizzes, projects and clinicals. Every time I fail, I cry and complain that my confidence has been stripped and have no more energy to continue. But as my father likes to point out, that the problem is that I am focusing on myself and my confidence and need to have confidence on God and what he has for me. I was keeping a running tab of my grades. Every test, paper, quiz was kept on an excel spreadsheet because I needed to keep track of how far off I was from passing and how many points I needed to make up. This stressed me out more than I can express. I worried, doubted, and felt like giving up because I felt that no matter how much I studied, I was doomed to fail. Again, my confidence was shot. The other night I sat at the beach till about midnight. Crying, praying, fighting, and questioning. I finally released it all to God and gave way to his plan. This is funny because that’s what brought me here in the first place. Just like those in the passage, I forgot what God has done for me. The blessings, miracles, and lessons that lead me to moving to San Diego in the first place. Since that night on the beach, I have deleted the spreadsheet. My plan is to go about my studies and do all I need to be prepared and let God handle the rest. I don’t want to know what my scores are or where I stand. Because I trust that I will be successful and graduate when in January of 2010 as originally planned.
Choices are what direct our lives. If the wrong choice is made, we can’t go back and change it. We dwell on decisions of our past which is like a cancer that continues to eat at us. Someone recently told me something that nearly brought me to my knees. It took all my strength to keep my car on the road as I drove. Here is a paraphrase and personal interpretation of what was said, “I have backslidden. I have made mistakes that pulled me away from God and he still has favor on me. I am now in my older days and am starting to do things that I never thought I would do, in church and at work. If I could turn my back on God and he still open his arms to me, why would he lose favor in you? What could you have done that God can’t forgive?”
This was definitely something I needed to hear. Yes. I have made some terrible choices that have made things in my life that much harder. Like those in the passage, I continued to flatter God with empty promises because my support and foundation was with me the whole time. Now, I have to rebuild the foundation I thought I had. A foundation on God and not so much on my family. He has stripped me of my support system and comfort so that I can finally, whole heartedly rely on him. We have to live with the choices we make. We cannot change them but we can learn. And with some, we can find a way to steer ourselves in the right direction. But for those choices that we regret and have to live with, we can’t beat ourselves down. It becomes a cancer that leads to despair and darkness. Trust me I know this feeling as I am sure to some extent we all do. The choices we make and how we handle those choices help make us grow to be better examples of Gods love. We can’t be judgmental. We can’t be condescending. Because we have all been there. We have been that person that we shake our heads at. Some just hide it better than others. We must remember where we came from. I know that I will continue to make some bad choices. But awareness of choices will hopefully help us make the right ones more often then the wrong ones. What choice will you make? Where will you finally make your STAND?

- John Olague Jr.

Got A Light?

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

Let me just say, I warmly welcome the arrival of movies in Blu-Ray format. Ever since Blu-Ray was accepted to be the next level in home entertainment technology, regular DVDs have been getting cheaper and cheaper!

One of my steals was the day I found a double disc DVD of Conan the Barbarian and Conan the Destroyer, "The Complete Quest", for $8. Sweeeeet.

The first film, Conan the Barbarian, has it all: action, swords, blood, and comedy (some intentional - some unintentional, but that was the 80’s for you). Arnold is so charismatic, though, that you kind of look past the ridiculous moments - like watching our Governor chomp on a “live” vulture’s neck. That was great.

But to my surprise, Conan the Barbarian also had some philosophical undertones going on. I’m no philosopher, but I mean, there were many lines that just kind of lingered, waiting for you to take a moment to think.

When Conan’s lady friend, Valeria, dies by the hand of the villain, Conan gives her a proper goodbye; fixing to cremate her - barbarian style.

Conan stands beside Valeria and her bed of wood as his homeboy, Subotai, prepares a torch for him. As Subotai is about to go over and deliver the torch to Conan, he is stopped by a wizard. The wizard tells Subotai, “Fire won’t burn there. No fire at all.” as if suggesting that they had better find another spot if they plan on lighting anything up.

But Subotai ignores the wizard, and he goes up and hands the torch to Conan. The wizard watches in anticipation as Conan puts the torch to the wood. Fire consumes Valeria, and all the wood she lays on. The wizard stands in awe.

“Fire won’t burn there. No fire at all.”

But the fire did burn.

Then why would the wizard say, “Fire won’t burn there. No fire at all.”? Was he told by someone – that fire won’t burn there - and he just took their word on it; never checking for himself? Or maybe he did try, but his hands couldn’t produce the spark.

Whatever the reason, he was proved to be wrong. Or at least misinformed.

Have you ever had an idea, or a desire, to do something that was… maybe, beyond you? An idea so crazy and out of the ordinary that you were too scared to tell anybody? You feared the reactions. You feared the commitment. You feared that it would go against what people thought of you.

Or maybe you did tell someone about that idea. You told somebody about that desire, and you got that defeating reaction you had feared and kinda expected.

Somebody told you fire doesn’t burn there.

They told you that fire doesn’t burn there, and you listened without even trying. Now you have forgotten that which you once desired.

Don’t listen to the people that want to shoot you down. They might laugh at you. They might tell you you’ll look stupid if you try. They might tell you that they can’t picture you doing it.* But of course they’ll tell you that. It’s not their vision. It’s YOURS. Their vision didn’t give birth to that desire, and their vision isn’t going to start that fire. Yours is.

It’s possible too, that you told yourself fire doesn’t burn there.

Just recently (actually, can you believe it’s been over half a year already?), I released a small little project. I had the vision, but at the same time, I was telling myself that fire didn’t burn there. I told myself that I had no business; or the talent to pull it off (and maybe I didn’t). But I defied myself, and did it anyway (which was pretty much the theme of the whole project). I went through with it until the very end when I started handing the CDs out. Some people laughed, some people cried, some people said nothing. But honestly, I couldn’t be any less concerned. It’s indescribable; the feeling that I built a fire where I had told myself fire couldn’t burn.

I look at this scene of the movie and it opens my eyes to what a wuss I am. First of all, if I were the wizard - I also would have believed what I was told without ever defying it.

Secondly, if I were Subotai, I would have listened to the wizard’s misinformation. My version of Subotai would have been like, “Hey! Conan! Wizard here says fire won’t burn there! We gotta… we gotta move your dead girlfriend and all the wood, and pick another spot!” Then Conan would have been like, “You eediot! Jas geev me da tooorch!” …And then I would have been all bitter at the wizard for making me look dumb.

I’m sooo WEAK.

But some of you are the complete opposite. Some of you would have been just like Subotai – ignoring the false recommendations and finding out for yourself. I admire that.

I think of my brother John. He’s Subotai times 100. I really envy that. But I don’t always agree with his fearlessness. Like the time he wanted to trespass up a residential driveway to get a better peak at the “Scrubs” hospital. The hospital was pretty much in these peoples’ backyard, and I’m sure he didn’t plan on just driving up the driveway. So there we were, Subotai 6.0 and the wizard – the wizard saying, “You can’t do that! That’s someone’s house!” and Subotai 6.0 saying, “Don’t be a wuss!” I’m working on it, John – although I don’t ever plan on trespassing.

I don’t want to be a weakling anymore. I’m tired of surrendering in a defeated tone, “Yeah… you’re right.” I’m tired of, “We’ll see…” I’m tired of saying, “Ok… whatever…”

How many wooden beds have you made throughout your life? Wooden beds (ideas) that you desired to set fire to, but somebody told you fire didn’t burn there? And all throughout the path behind you lay beds of wood, (IDEAS, DESIRES, GOALS) that have never been ignited. Maybe a couple were ignited. Awesome. Or maybe a couple were ignited, but then you started blowing them out for… whatever reason. Fear would be the root of any reason, I guess.

Build the beds again.

Light them on fire.

I’m beginning to see this one as a companion to “I Don't Think We're In Our Twenties Anymore, Toto!”. Light some fires. It’s time to get hazardous. The ninjas of time are in the shadows.

Don’t let anybody tell you any longer, that fire doesn’t burn there. And if they turn out to be right – at least you tried, and you’ll be able to confirm it with firsthand knowledge.

If you can’t shake the fear. If you can’t ignore the idle chatter. If you need comfort. If you need assurance. King David’s been there. Check out what he says (words in blue are my commentary):

Psalm 144 (New Living Translation)

God is our strength and our safety net. Have no fear:
1 Praise the Lord, who is my rock. He trains my hands for war and gives my fingers skill for battle.

2 He is my loving ally and my fortress, my tower of safety, my rescuer. He is my shield, and I take refuge in him. He makes the nations submit to me.
3 O Lord, what are human beings that you should notice them, mere mortals that you should think about them?

4 For they are like a breath of air; their days are like a passing shadow.

The desire for fire:
9 I will sing a new song to you, O God! I will sing your praises with a ten-stringed harp.

10 For you grant victory to kings! You rescued your servant David from the fatal sword.

11 Save me! Rescue me from the power of my enemies. Their mouths are full of lies; they swear to tell the truth, but they lie instead.

The reward and the legacy your fire can bring:
12 May our sons flourish in their youth like well-nurtured plants. May our daughters be like graceful pillars, carved to beautify a palace.

13 May our barns be filled with crops of every kind. May the flocks in our fields multiply by the thousands, even tens of thousands,

14 and may our oxen be loaded down with produce. May there be no enemy breaking through our walls, no going into captivity, no cries of alarm in our town squares.

15 Yes, joyful are those who live like this! Joyful indeed are those whose God is the Lord.


Go ahead. Light that fire. Someone’s waiting on you.


- Eli

*By the way, I recently had I thought: Who critiques the critic? They get off easy. They just talk about what other people did while they do, basically, nothing. Who talks about what they did? “That guy’s movie reviewing skills are terrible!” Ok, I can kinda see why “critic critics” don’t exist. Although, I do think Owen Gleiberman (Entertainment Weekly) is awful.